He sees me
by Anushka
Summary: Sara decides Grissom should know about her relationship with Nick. Pairing NS.rnChapter 3 added Completed
1. Sara's POV

**Disclaimer**: Not mine, never has been, never will be.

**A/N**: You don't want to know at what time this story came to me. I needed to write it down. It's a Sara POV.

**Pairing**: N/S

* * *

**He sees me**

I am trying to gather the courage to enter his office. I have passed it approximately a hundred times by now. I have no idea how he feels about me, so I have no idea how he will react to my announcement. I think I'm generally clueless when it comes down to Grissom and what he is thinking. Nick asked if he should come along. I told him "no". I told him I should do this alone, because of my history with Grissom. He asked me what history. That made me smile, because he is right there was no history just a fiction of my imagination.

I know Nick's offer to go with me was something more than him just wanting to be supportive. It is quite comforting to know that I'm not the only one with doubts and insecurities in this relationship. He has them too, more than he likes to admit and sometimes more than I want him to have. I know that in times when things get tough, like right now, he slips into this insecurity mode and nothing I say or do can convince him he is not my second choice. There was no such choice to begin with, but the choice I did make, the one I made subconsciously, namely falling for Nick fast and hard is one I do not regret.

That's why I'm standing in front of Grissom's office right now. I need to let him know because it is the decent thing to do. When I'm honest that's not the real reason I suddenly decided to go public with our relationship. _I _ decided, because Nick never got to have a say in it.

The fact I love saying his name made me decide we have to let people in on our secret. I love using his name in every sentence my brain forms. I love the way it rolls of my tongue, the way it makes my vocal cords vibrate. So before one of us makes a slip of the tongue, a choice of words you can interpret in multiple ways with us, we have to tell them.

I step into his office. He looks up and the look on his face tells me he already knows what I have come to do. I'm trying to find the words to start, but he beats me to it. "Why?" He asks me. I'm confused. I certainly didn't expect him to ask me that. There is a short and long answer to that question and I have to fight the urge to go with the really childish short one: "Because".

The long answer doesn't want to come together coherently in my brain. The fact that he is studying me like I'm some bug underneath the microscope doesn't make it any better.

My mouth opens involuntarily and I hear words spilling out of it I'm not sure were formed by my own speech center. "He sees me, he really sees me and he works hard to get to know me."

He redirects his gaze to some point behind me. I know the technique. I have used it many times. "You could have told me."

His statement is confusing at first, but my Grissom translation area in my brain has started to kick in. I know he means I should have made myself visible to him, I should have made him want to know me.

"If you wanted to I would have. Nick wanted to."

He simply nods at this statement. I think the conversation just ended with this nod. I think I made it the ending of this conversation because I slowly start to back away out of his office. Before I leave it entirely I hear him softly whisper "Be happy". I can't help whispering back "You too".

I'm not sure he knows I have heard him or if he has heard me, but that's okay. Things will be okay.

**END**


	2. Nick's POV

**Disclaimer**: Not mine, never has been, never will be.

**A/N**: I know I wrote END at the end of the previous chapter, but one of the reviews I received convinced me to write more. I'm not good at multiple chapter stories, so I'm not going to make any promises I will continue this one. To tell the truth, planning multiple chapter stories frustrate me a lot.

**Pairing**: N/S

_Nick's POV_

I watch her passing his office for the hundredth time. Conflicting emotions gracing her beautiful face. I know her so well, sometimes I wish I didn't, because often her insecurities as an addition to my own are just too much to deal with.

I don't know exactly when I started to fall for her. It might very possibly be the day I laid eyes on her, but this last year I started to crave for her presence to surround me, yearning for her to touch me; the withdrawal symptoms hitting me with full force whenever we weren't together. It was then that I noticed that she depended on the physical connection, no matter how innocent, just as much as I did.

We chose to take the long slow secret road. A choice that wasn't really a mutual agreement, but I figured the twists and turns in the road ahead of us were going to cause enough turmoil in my life, so I didn't fight her. I have a problem denying her anything. My need to comfort people is one of my strong points, but one of my weaker ones as well. It's something I need to work on, because her ideas are not always very rational, causing a mess in her personal life, which is now undeniably linked with mine.

I never was in favor of keeping this a secret, but now all of a sudden I want to keep this a secret, I want _us_ to be a secret. I observe her, observing him. It's something we like to do. It's not something professional, although we like to pretend it is.

Slowly I get up, not shifting my gaze directed at her. I'm not sure how I will convince her, but I have to try. I already know she will not go for it. She is too stubborn. I know her so well, but I have no idea why she suddenly wants to go public with our still so fragile relationship.

Yesterday while we were lying in bed, our safe haven, our refuge, she turned to me and said we shouldn't keep it a secret. She said, no she told me, that next shift she would tell Grissom. It was no point of discussion, the decision was already made for me. She never offered me an explanation and I never asked for one as fear was already griping my heart. After a long silence I asked if I should go with her, for you know, support and all that. The look on her face told me she wasn't buying it.

You already know the outcome of her answer to that not so subtle question of mine, since I have been watching her, instead of joining her, gathering courage to tell him, the man of her past affections, she finally made the decision he couldn't make. I guess that will be the main topic of their conversation, because she never told me what she was going to tell him exactly. At this moment my wish to know is getting stronger by the second. It is getting overwhelming. I didn't want push her, because talking about emotions are still a difficult point in our relationship and at that moment of her making the decision that she really has chosen for me I didn't want to push my luck and question her motives.

My thoughts have distracted me so much that I haven't noticed that the feared conversation has already taken place in front my eyes. I watch her leaving his office, I watch her notice me in front of that same office, I try to shift my gaze, but I can't. I need to know if she's still mine, if she will stay mine forever as far as I am concerned.

I'm glad I know her so well; that I can read her mind better than I can make sense of my own. We are going to be okay, I think we always were.


	3. Nick and Sara

As I leave Grissom's office I see him standing there waiting for me to come out. Any other day I would have been irritated; any other day I would have given him hell over this, but not today.

I can see the fear in his eyes and I hate I can do that to him, because I know how he is feeling. I know it so well. Up until this relationship with Nick all my relationships with men or with people in general have been unhealthy and one-sided. I think it is a congenital disorder.

I smile at him, not knowing what else to do. I hope it is enough, because it is all I can give him right now. The conversation with Grissom has drained all my energy.

He follows me to the break room. I can feel him standing behind me hesitating about his next move when I feel him come closer. He abruptly turns me around and pulls me into an intimate embrace. We shouldn't be doing this, not now and not here, but it feels so good. I can't let go of him not even if I wanted to. Apparently my body decided to ignore the instructions my brain is giving, but then again the human body is programmed to try to survive under all circumstances. I guess the conversation with Grissom has activated a negative feedback loop which leads to an incapacity to let go of Nick.

Catherine inactivates it when she walks into the break room. She raises an eye brow. I guess that means the number of times we will have to explain this has just been reduced by one. I can't really figure out what she is thinking right now. Her face doesn't give away what she is feeling. I know her loyalty lies with Grissom, but I'm sure she cares enough for us, or at least Nick, to be happy for us. When a small smile appears on her face it feels like an huge weight has been lifted off of me. I never realized I cared so much what Catherine would think about us, me or this relationship. It proves once again how much I have changed, how much having Nick in my life has changed me. I still have to decide if this is a good change though, because I have learnt the hard way that caring what someone thinks about you isn't necessarily a good thing. Maybe it is not as much that I care what others think but just a relief we don't have to live a lie anymore.

--------------------------------------------

Maybe Sara's idea wasn't that irrational, because it is feeling pretty good being able to hold her in the break room not caring if anyone walks in on us. I still let go of her when Catherine walks in. It's a matter of habit. I guess Greg is the only one we still have to tell in person (I'm sure he will fill in the rest of the lab). I think Sara has to be the one to do that. She will have to let the guy down easy, since he has had a crush on her since day one. I know Rick has had his suspicions. Finding Sara at my house on numerous occasions and her answering my cell phone by accident gave away the secret pretty early on in our relationship. He has been a great friend, he never pushed me or her on the subject. He knows how difficult this situation must be for us.

I try not to think about walking into Grissom anytime soon. I think our relationship will have to find a new equilibrium. I'm not sure what he thinks about me. I don't think I ever knew what the exact status was of our relationship. When he recommended me for the promotion I wondered if he did so because he thought I was the best person for the job or if he was afraid what people would say when he would recommend Sara. I stopped wondering what he thought about me around the same time I started to wonder what Sara thought of me.

Her feelings for me are important. Nothing else. While this thought pops up I realize it doesn't matter when I walk into Grissom or how our relationship will be affected by this. As long as I have her and the way she is still holding my hand says I will for a long time, I will be alright. We will be alright. I never imagined life would turn out so good.

**END**


End file.
